Monday, October 26, 2009
Couples Retreat - Not Always A Vacation
"I WANT to be married, 'cause I wanna have people to share my life with." That's what Dave (played by Vince Vaughn) says to Joey (Jon Favreau) towards the end of "Couples Retreat". Here's the question though... and I would truly like some answers. Is it better to stay in a marriage that's mediocre or worse just so you have someone to share your life with and grow old with or is it better to be alone? Of course, you can still share your life with friends, siblings, parents, children and the like, but is it crucial to have that companion? Someone to go to weddings with, a standing date on New Year's Eve... someone you can always call if your car breaks down or if you need them to pick up milk on the way home. So many people live these lives day after day after day, but they're not truly in love with their partner. They do it for the kids, they do it because they think it might be better than being alone, they do it because it's easier to stay married than get divorced and divide everything up. Many of them are cheating on their spouses and try to pretend like everything's hunky dory in their home life. I don't mean to sound like Debbie Downer or anything, but let's face it. This is the reality. Don't get me wrong. There are certainly people who are madly, passionately in love and will remain committed to one another until they die, but sadly, I think those couples are few and far between. Why is that? I think people get scared that they will end up alone or that they'll be too old to have kids if they wait for their soul mate, so they just tie the knot with the wrong person. Why is the divorce rate so high? About 50%, I believe, right now. That's not good. On the flip side, having someone you can always rely on, someone you can talk to about anything and everything, someone who makes you feel better just by giving you a hug or passing along a smile... that all sounds fantastic. But does it last? How do you make it last? How do you find that person? How many of us are capable of being with that one person for the rest of our live's? Why are there so few couples like Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward? Think about those couples who are married for decades and when one of them dies, the other one ends up dying a few months later, because they can't live without the other person. Why do so many people say the fairy tale doesn't exist? Why can't it? Why? Why? Why? I welcome your responses.
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Marriage can be a wonderful thing, if you find the right person. I believe the best results come from those relationships that began as great friendships. Friendship implies trust, understanding and acceptance. If you and your mate have those it is an excellent start to a life together.
ReplyDeleteI also believe that life is too short to settle for anything. If you are in a relationship that is not working, I would first advise you to see if it is salvageable--whether that involves a lot of opening up and talking, therapy or other means. If not than there is no reason to stay in a miserable relationship. There is more than one "somebody" out there for everyone.
If you find someone who loves you for YOU and wants you to grow and reach your full potential, than that is the right person. You should never have to change who you are or compromise for ANYONE. You need to love yourself first, and if you don't than you can not expect anyone to truly love you.
Do not give up on marriage, people! It can be a deeply spiritual and beautiful thing and it IS real!! Yes, you have to work hard at it to keep it real, but it IS attainable, I promise.
I haven't given up on marriage ... I'm still filled with hope and despite my own upbringing, I would love nothing more than to have a wife and child
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