Monday, December 26, 2011
You ate WHAAAAAATTTTTT???
So, I'm listening to the Kevin and Bean radio show this morning on KROQ as I'm driving to my early morning annual ritual of hitting the mall right when they open the day after Christmas to take advantage of the amazing sales, deal with any returns I may have and spend those muy fabuloso gift cards. I've been doing it since high school. Good times! Now, this post isn't about all the stuff I got for $12.00 (toaster oven, standing lamp, 3 pairs of earrings, a ring, thank you cards, a skirt, a belt and 2 blouses - HELLLLOOOOOO!!!)... instead, it's about what Kevin and Bean and their callers were discussing - gross things that people have accidentally eaten. Some of them were pretty nasty. I think the one about the cat worms was the worst. She thought they were part of her Cup-o-Noodles. You can all join me now in saying "Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!" Well, this conversation reminded me of all the weird things I've eaten by accident, not to mention all the hairs and dead bugs I've found in my food over the years. That's what happens when you eat out for just about every meal. So, here are my grossest. This one wins hands down. I had just graduated from college and I was with a couple friends hanging out with a bunch of guy friends at their house - picture a stereotypical messy fraternity-type house with dozens of bottles, cans and dishes everywhere. We were about to go to an Angels game and I was drinking a beer (yes, I was 21, everyone, and I was NOT driving!). I put it down on the counter to talk to my brother on the phone - (a land line - ha ha!) and while we were chatting, I lifted up what I thought was my beer and took a big swig. It was clearly NOT my beer at all. It was a mixture of chewing tobacco, spit, warm beer from weeks before and cigarette butts - all from someone I didn't even know!!! I ran to the sink and spit it out, of course, but I couldn't get the taste or the thought of it out of my mind. I still get grossed out when I think about it. Blah! Moral of the story... either don't drink in a messy house or don't EVER put your drink down!!! OK, next story... when I was in 1st grade, I was at school eating a Marathon Bar - long, braided candy bar with milk chocolate and caramel. Mmmmmm... mmmmm... good! There was something hard in the candy, but I thought it was just hard caramel. No big whoop. A little hard caramel never hurt anyone. So, I'm chomping and chomping and chomping and it just won't soften. I was like the little engine that could. I know I can, I know I can, I know I can. But no matter how hard I chomped, it was remaining just as hard as it was in the beginning. So, I finally took it out of my mouth and discovered that I had been chewing on my own tooth! I was just a little kid and it had fallen out of my mouth. I guess if you have a loose tooth that you want to come out, you may want to consider taking a big ole bite of a yummy, chewy candy bar! That story was more funny than nasty, but I have to say when I ordered a sandwich at the old Bakers Square in Santa Monica (it's now the Viceroy hotel and nightclub) and I bit into a tooth (which I believe was an animal tooth, but I cam't be sure), I was not as amused. I was totally disgusted and they were barely apologetic. I was a teenager - teens don't always gets the respect they deserve, ya know? Oh well. And here's my final grotesque or humorous food story. When I was in 9th grade, my friend and I used to walk down the street in the Palisades Highlands on weekends and buy a sandwich, a Dr. Pepper, some Tootsie Rolls and licorice and sit on her patio pretending to be very grown up (with our kid candy!). I opened my roast beef sandwich and was only taking part of the paper wrap off as I ate it. At first, I saw some blood, but I thought it was because the roast beef was a bit rare, so I kept eating it!!! Then, I got to a part of the bread that was pretty much covered with blood and I wanted to vomit. We walked back to the little store and showed the guy at the deli counter. He now had a big old white bandage around his finger and said that he had cut his finger while making the sandwich. Barforama!!! Does that make me a bloody vampire??? (Say that in a British accent, of course - bloody this, bloody that). Watch out, Jacob... I'm joining the likes of Edward and Bella! All right... now, it's time to share YOUR nastified eating stories! Indulge, everyone!