You ate WHAAAAAATTTTTT???

So, I'm listening to the Kevin and Bean radio show this morning on KROQ as I'm driving to my early morning annual ritual of hitting the mall right when they open the day after Christmas to take advantage of the amazing sales, deal with any returns I may have and spend those muy fabuloso gift cards.  I've been doing it since high school.  Good times!  Now, this post isn't about all the stuff I got for $12.00 (toaster oven, standing lamp, 3 pairs of earrings, a ring, thank you cards, a skirt, a belt and 2 blouses - HELLLLOOOOOO!!!)... instead, it's about what Kevin and Bean and their callers were discussing - gross things that people have accidentally eaten.  Some of them were pretty nasty.  I think the one about the cat worms was the worst.  She thought they were part of her Cup-o-Noodles.  You can all join me now in saying "Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!"  Well, this conversation reminded me of all the weird things I've eaten by accident, not to mention all the hairs and dead bugs I've found in my food over the years.  That's what happens when you eat out for just about every meal.  So, here are my grossest.  This one wins hands down.  I had just graduated from college and I was with a couple friends hanging out with a bunch of guy friends at their house - picture a stereotypical messy fraternity-type house with dozens of bottles, cans and dishes everywhere.  We were about to go to an Angels game and I was drinking a beer (yes, I was 21, everyone, and I was NOT driving!).  I put it down on the counter to talk to my brother on the phone - (a land line - ha ha!) and while we were chatting, I lifted up what I thought was my beer and took a big swig.  It was clearly NOT my beer at all.  It was a mixture of chewing tobacco, spit, warm beer from weeks before and cigarette butts - all from someone I didn't even know!!!  I ran to the sink and spit it out, of course, but I couldn't get the taste or the thought of it out of my mind.  I still get grossed out when I think about it.  Blah!  Moral of the story... either don't drink in a messy house or don't EVER put your drink down!!!  OK, next story... when I was in 1st grade, I was at school eating a Marathon Bar - long, braided candy bar with milk chocolate and caramel.  Mmmmmm... mmmmm... good!  There was something hard in the candy, but I thought it was just hard caramel.  No big whoop.  A little hard caramel never hurt anyone.  So, I'm chomping and chomping and chomping and it just won't soften.  I was like the little engine that could.  I know I can, I know I can, I know I can.  But no matter how hard I chomped, it was remaining just as hard as it was in the beginning.  So, I finally took it out of my mouth and discovered that I had been chewing on my own tooth!  I was just a little kid and it had fallen out of my mouth.  I guess if you have a loose tooth that you want to come out, you may want to consider taking a big ole bite of a yummy, chewy candy bar!  That story was more funny than nasty, but I have to say when I ordered a sandwich at the old Bakers Square in Santa Monica (it's now the Viceroy hotel and nightclub) and I bit into a tooth (which I believe was an animal tooth, but I cam't be sure), I was not as amused.  I was totally disgusted and they were barely apologetic.  I was a teenager - teens don't always gets the respect they deserve, ya know?  Oh well.  And here's my final grotesque or humorous food story.  When I was in 9th grade, my friend and I used to walk down the street in the Palisades Highlands on weekends and buy a sandwich, a Dr. Pepper, some Tootsie Rolls and licorice and sit on her patio pretending to be very grown up (with our kid candy!).  I opened my roast beef sandwich and was only taking part of the paper wrap off as I ate it.  At first, I saw some blood, but I thought it was because the roast beef was a bit rare, so I kept eating it!!!  Then, I got to a part of the bread that was pretty much covered with blood and I wanted to vomit.  We walked back to the little store and showed the guy at the deli counter.  He now had a big old white bandage around his finger and said that he had cut his finger while making the sandwich.  Barforama!!!  Does that make me a bloody vampire???  (Say that in a British accent, of course - bloody this, bloody that).  Watch out, Jacob... I'm joining the likes of Edward and Bella!  All right... now, it's time to share YOUR nastified eating stories!  Indulge, everyone!  

Calgon, Take Me Away!

OK, seriously???  Why does this keep happening?  Oh, I know why... because people are rude and inconsiderate!  If I go to get a manicure and pedicure, it's to treat myself, relax for an hour or so, get away from the hustle and bustle of every day life, listen to the peaceful sounds of the fountain, close my eyes, enjoy the massage chair and get pampered for a little while.  Why do people think it's all right to come in blabbing on their cell phones and ruin it for everyone?  So many times, the person just keeps on blabbing throughout the entire spa treatment.  To those of you, who bring your selfishness into the salon, I have one word for you... SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

An Education on Having it All

People are faced with it all the time - choosing between being a career woman or a mother. Choosing between being successful or happy. Choosing between being rich or moral. In "An Education", the lead character Jenny (Carey Mulligan) finds herself in that kind of a predicament at the very young age of 16. Should she follow the path she's been on forever and attend Oxford
University or should she stay with her much older boyfriend and live the life she's wanted to live forever? Fancy dinners, exquisite clothes, beautiful cars, impressive art galleries, grand theater productions, lavish vacations... all these things make Jenny re-think her plan. My question, however, is why can't Jenny have both? Likewise, why can't we all have both? Can't mothers be successful in the workforce AND incredible moms to their kids? Can't people achieve true success in their field AND be happy? I think we can. Sure, it may be a challenge at times and it may be hard work, but I don't think it is too much to ask to have it all. So, next time someone says "Well, you can't have it all", I'm going to say "Oh, yeah?" and prove them wrong. What are YOU going to do?

Couples Retreat - Not Always A Vacation

"I WANT to be married, 'cause I wanna have people to share my life with." That's what Dave (played by Vince Vaughn) says to Joey (Jon Favreau) towards the end of "Couples Retreat". Here's the question though... and I would truly like some answers. Is it better to stay in a marriage that's mediocre or worse just so you have someone to share your life with and grow old with or is it better to be alone? Of course, you can still share your life with friends, siblings, parents, children and the like, but is it crucial to have that companion? Someone to go to weddings with, a standing date on New Year's Eve... someone you can always call if your car breaks down or if you need them to pick up milk on the way home. So many people live these lives day after day after day, but they're not truly in love with their partner. They do it for the kids, they do it because they think it might be better than being alone, they do it because it's easier to stay married than get divorced and divide everything up. Many of them are cheating on their spouses and try to pretend like everything's hunky dory in their home life. I don't mean to sound like Debbie Downer or anything, but let's face it. This is the reality. Don't get me wrong. There are certainly people who are madly, passionately in love and will remain committed to one another until they die, but sadly, I think those couples are few and far between. Why is that? I think people get scared that they will end up alone or that they'll be too old to have kids if they wait for their soul mate, so they just tie the knot with the wrong person. Why is the divorce rate so high? About 50%, I believe, right now. That's not good. On the flip side, having someone you can always rely on, someone you can talk to about anything and everything, someone who makes you feel better just by giving you a hug or passing along a smile... that all sounds fantastic. But does it last? How do you make it last? How do you find that person? How many of us are capable of being with that one person for the rest of our live's? Why are there so few couples like Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward? Think about those couples who are married for decades and when one of them dies, the other one ends up dying a few months later, because they can't live without the other person. Why do so many people say the fairy tale doesn't exist? Why can't it? Why? Why? Why? I welcome your responses.